I'm sure it's just the lack of sleep talking, but I've been thinking a lot about people, and existence lately.
It's incredibly egotistical, and a terribly self-centered worldview, but I've begun to wonder lately whether all of this is just made up in my mind. I wonder if the people, and the places, and the experiences, and everything else about my existence is just a way to further my own knowledge of self.
I'm shown things I like and dislike, experience things I like and dislike, and meet people that I will come to like or dislike. All of these seemingly coincidental circumstances shape who we are in terms of our thoughts, and our opinions and feelings, and lead towards a certain point. I can't claim to know what that is, but it only makes sense that all of these things would come together to form a logical end, if you could see all the parts and put them together.
I have always had this strange feeling that there's something behind what I see, lurking in the shadows, behind the curtains, that's truly what is at work with our reality. Maybe it's God and the typical idea of the divine. Maybe it's something else, but nothing seems to feel real and it just makes me wonder if maybe I'm missing something. Or maybe I'm just losing my mind.
Either way, I've started looking at people and situations differently. It's caused me to think of them more of a part of a whole, rather than the entirety itself. I take more notice of the people I run into in the store, or getting my hair cut, or who randomly message me online. I think a little more about what the meaning behind the random situations I am forced into at work, or just driving from point A to point B.
I just keep getting the feeling that none of it truly is random, and it's shaping my thoughts, and pushing me towards some pre-determined point. Anyone that knows me would agree that not knowing the "why" in a situation frustrates me to no end, and I believe that's added to part of my strange feelings in these thoughts. I want to know why these things are happening, and feel deeply that there really is a reason behind it. Maybe this reality is just a training ground for whatever happens next, after life, and we're all put through different training programs. It would give weight to that contant nagging feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something bigger, something greater, and that there's something important in the future for which I just need to be patient.
At any rate, another strange rambling from a sleep-deprived mind. It's been a while since I've had a post like this. Enjoy.